On “Un” State

Unwell. For the last 5 days I feel like a dying balloon on air, floating without direction, waiting to fall on the ground…lifeless. I never really thought that i could hurt this much, I’ve been the most numb person I know, I’ve always believed in the power of the word “dedma”, not to really care about things, so I dont get hurt. But when you love, you’re bound to really get stabbed in the chest, big time.

Unsure. I’ve been ecstatic about the changes in my life, new work, new friends, new environment, but that was before. Now, I felt so unsure, like stepping on thin ice, there’s a beat in my heart that wants to back out from these changes.

Uninspired. I can’t have my dream. not now, not in the near future. It’s just dissapointing to know that the person whom I want to share my future with, doesn’t share my vision, it’s too late for planning and saving, time will just eventually fade what’s left of the picture.

Chasing Pavements

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavement, even if it leads to nowhere or would it be a waste, even if I knew my place,should I leave it there?

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if I know it will lead me nowhere.

-Adele

Sleep

I wasn’t able to sleep, images keeps popping in my head and i cried silently till dawn. So, this is how it feels to have your heart broken and pounded to powder. Sobra! ang sakit! No words can really describe the pain. It usualy creeps once I lay down in bed and would go on until I fall asleep and once I woke up it returns again. I dread sleeping now, I’d love to be asleep,it takes me out of this reality, it’s the falling to sleep action that dreads me. It’s a moment when I don’t have anything to distract me from the pain in my heart.

That’s What Friends Are For

It’s been the most difficult day of my life (just had my heart broken. again.) and I would’nt be able to go through with it without my friends, people that I may have neglected in the past because I was always being available for someone, but still were there when I needed them most.

I needed to go to BIR today, but was really nervous to go because I don’t know where the hell BIR in quezon city is…I was supposed to be with “the guy who broke my heart. again.” ,but then again, he broke my heart. with really no one to accompany me, I decided to send a group message to all of my friends’ number in my phonebook, asking if they knew where BIR is, of course my friends never fail me… they all responded with all the details I need to know, where the 3 branches of BIR are located in QC.

BIR QC told me my TIN is actually registered in Pasig and I should have it validated there. I had to go to Pasig City Hall to have it stamped. Where the hell is Pasig City Hall!? text brigade once more and my friends served like my online map… I got my papers done exactly 1:30pm considering I left the house at 11am.

I passed by my old office to request some papers I needed for my work requirements, texted some old colleagues, telling them I was in the building… it was an instant reunion. We whiled the afternoon chatting, eating, ranting, raving, making kilig kwento and reminiscing our amazon days, forgetting for a moment all the pain I’m feeling that day.

It’s relieving to know that no matter how you’ve neglected your friends,you know, cancelled dinner with them, made all sorts of excuses not to join drinking sessions and totally forgot about them just because you’re madly in love… they’re still there, a text away, when you need them. No excuses.

Cry

Maybe that’s what I need. A complete emotional meltdown to finally build myself up again. Cry all these pain and start all over again. It just hurt to realize that that someone who broke me apart doesn’t realize the weight of what he’s done and goes about like nothing happened.

The Day I Learned To Say NO

Saying “no” has always been my weakness, i was born a capricorn and most capricorn are people pleaser, you know, they’ll say “yes” to everything that you ask them to do, ever polite and always afraid to dissapoint people even if they really dissaprove of the task or idea being pitched to them…

But today is different. I finally learned to say NO. hahaha! and it really felt good. so good!

Well, as i have wrote before, I was looking for a job and i have several companies in mind where i would pass my application. Company A’s application process was very quick, i was scheduled for medical and job offer the very next day, anticipating that Company A would consider the salary I told them I’m expecting since I already have had previous experience, I went on with the medical process before i went for their job offer, which i think was a mistake because Company A offered me a very low salary, i asked the HR personnel if i could study the contract first…

As i read the contract i felt that i’m not worth whatever the amount they’re offering me. I felt really uneasy, coz i know i’m way better than that figure…So, considering the two days i wasted on their application process, the medical examination i had to through again on my next application and the fact that i’ve been lucky enough to have been offered a job compared to the thousand applicants who after gazillion attempt to land a job are still part of the ever growing number of unemployed, I bravely said NO to the contract. I told them I cannot accept their offer, and told them my reasons… with a super fake smile, the HR girl told me that it’s ok. yeah right! your company already paid for my medical… lugi kayo! it was a firm no. i could’nt let anyone disregard my worth as a professional.

and just hours ago, i signed a contract with Company B, which offered me a contract almost doubling the amount offered by Company A. isn’t that grand! Imagine what could have i missed if i said yes to Company A! Lesson learned: know your worth and say NO to those people who don’t see your worth.

Britney’s Comeback

Britney Spears-Womanizer: from her to be released Circus album

The video is definitely hot, she looks fresh again but the song’s a bit lame though…

Nevertheless. it seems britney’s back on track. go girl!

Changes

Well, it’s been a year since i started this blog and I ‘m kinda bored with the layout already. So, to celebrate the 1st anniversary of my humble blog I decided to give it a make over. make it black, make it edgier and more personal this year… sana nga sipagin na kong magsulat.

I’m also looking for a new job. It’s been two weeks since I took my board exam and already a quarter year since I resigned from my previous work, i think it’s about time…sobrang pahinga na yun.

I’m considering getting a semi-kalbo again. bagay pa kaya?

Ano pa kaya ang magbabago?

Boredom…

Bored. Bored. Bored. Let’s try some of those surveys circling around the internet…..

1.    Have you found the ‘one’ you wanna spend your whole life with?

I thought I did.

2.    Are u happy with your life now?

No,  not yet.

3.    Do you think there’s still a chance for past lovers to get back together?

yes but no.

4.    How did you spend your Christmas last year?

At home with my family…such a cliché!

5.    Do you attend the simbang gabi?

Not anymore.

    8. What songs are you listening to right now?

          A lot. Mostly songs I used to listen to when I was in high school. 90’s pop. I got them     from limewire

   10. Last person who texted you?

          I dunno, it was an unregistered number,never bothered to ask who she/he was.

   11. Last person you texted?

          O.

   12. When was the last time you smiled?

          Awhile ago. When I was playing with my niece.

   13. When was the last time you were sad?

          Every night. Pathetic me!

   14. Ever loved someone so much that it hurts?

          Yes. Totoo pala yun.

   15. What do you hate most about school?

          Deadlines.

   16. Mcdo or Jollibee?

          Jollibee for their burgers. Mcdo for their fries

   17. Name one insect you hate most.

          Lamok. 3 times na kong na-dengue.

   18. Still close to any of your ex(s)?

          Naaah!

   19. Would you kiss the last person who kissed you?

          Yes. Over and over again.

   20. If you were in the mall, where would you probably go?

          Besides men’s apparel section, I love strolling around the furniture section and the music and DVD section

   21. Do you think there’s such thing as fate?

      Yes. In some ways.

  22. You spend most of your Friday Nights with?

      No one.

  24. If you could have a special power what would it be?

      Be invisible.

 26. Do you agree that usually the 2nd child is the trouble maker?

      Not really…

 

28. Do you like guy/girls with dimples?

      Yes.

29. Honestly, do you think you’re tall?

      I think I’m average.

30. Who’s your cutest/most hot classmate ever?

     Si Fit.

31. Any hidden talents?

      I think I’m good at lipsynching. Walang kwentang talent!

32. Who’s making you mad?

       Ayoko ng magalit.

33. Why?

      Ayoko na nga

34. Do you like her/him?

      Ayoko na.

35. Last one, love or fame?

      FAME!

 

 

Rustom Padilla: Queering It Out Loud!

After his much talked about coming out scene in PBB Celebrity Edition 2-3 years ago, Rustom finally spread his wings and learns to fly!! You go girl!!

Winning the Urian Best Actor trophy last year for his remarkable portrayal of a parloric gay diva in Zsazsa Zaturnnah, Rustom Padilla was tasked to give out this year’s trophy for the same category…and he does it in PINK!!!

 

 Talk about Gay Empowerment!