A Farewell To The City Of Dreams

It took me forever to realize we weren’t meant to be together, I must admit I was drawn to you like a moth to a fire, each time I try to come nearer the more you burn my wings. I still remember the first time I saw your magnificence, I was intimidated by you. Back then, I knew that you are unattainable, at least for me, but it didn’t stop me from building my dreams on your grounds. I weaved a tale inside my mind, a tale of happy ever after, of pure love and devotion but it was never your promise.

Like any foolish being in love, I did crazy things to be with you, I crossed time and distance just to see you everyday, only to go home every night defeated, still somehow, as a wake from my sleep, thoughts of you waiting with an open door, makes my blood pumps again and relive the fantasies I have with you.

You are the Emerald City to my Elphaba, you are my city of dreams, the city I long to be at, the city I knew where my dreams and fantasies belongs but just like what happened to Elphaba in the Emerald City, all my dreams crashed on you and I know the I’ll never be the same again. Goodbye City, Goodbye Dream.

Sir!

It’s already been a week and i still can’t believe that I’m really a college professor now, just a couple of weeks ago I was training yet again for another call center, trying to somehow convince myself that one thing I do best is being a call center agent. For the last few months I’ve transferring from one call center company to another, everytime I make the transfer I always wish I’ll find what I’ve been looking for in a job in that company but after several weeks or months, I get tired of it and eventually quit. Don’t get me wrong, I used to love taking call and handling customers, I’ve been doing that for almost two years before I finished my degree and I can’t deny the fact that the money I earned from it somehow helped me finish college, it just that, I feel that it was not really what I’m born to do.

Then I got a call from this college asking me if i wanted to do a demo, they were presently hiring that time, with nothing to lose and a chance to escape the call center world, I packed my laptop and headed for the demo. I got hired right there and then but only for a part time position but then again as soon as the classes started they still somehow needed a teacher for other classes, so in just one day I got promoted from a part time instructor to a full time faculty! hehehe!

From a work station that consist of a computer and an avaya, I now have work station loaded with papers, modules and a lot of print outs!

The Brave One

How I wish I was that brave… from what movie is this anyway??

Adam Lambert Is Officially OUT!

What a way to come out!! He’s such an inspiration, he makes coming out so hot…Rolling Stone and all..such class!

Here’s snippet of his interview:

Adam on coming out: “I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay…. I’m proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It’s just another part of me [But] I’m trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader.”

Adam on realizing he was gay growing up: “I started to realize I wasn’t like every other boy. I realized that we all have our own power, and that whatever I wanted to do, I had to make happen.”

On his run on American Idol:”I was like, ‘I’m going to glue rhinestones on my eyelids, b—-!’ Right after the finale, I almost started talking about [being gay] to the reporters, but I thought, ‘I’m going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler.’ I didn’t want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bulls—. I need to be able to explain myself in context… Clay Aiken’s gay, and I’m gay, and we couldn’t be more different. The only thing that is the same about everyone in the gay community is that we’re gay. … Why can’t we talk about a human community?”

On getting attention from fangirls: “I loved it this season when the girls went crazy for me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all hot.”

On sharing a bedroom with Idol winner Kris Allen: “They put me with the cute guy. Distracting! He’s the one guy I found attractive in the whole group on the show: nice, nonchalant, pretty and totally my type — except that he has a wife. I mean he’s open-minded and liberal, but he’s definitely 100% straight.”

On gaining self-confidence through Idol: “I finally checked into my self-worth for the first time in my life, and the fact that it coincided with Idol is so sweet. I mean, I still have moments where I think, ‘Oh, my skin is terrible, and I’m a little fat — I should really go to the gym more.’ But for the most part, when I look in the mirror now, I finally see somebody who can do something cool.

Disney’s The Princess and The Frog

Walt Disney is back again to it’s old formula, classic animation backed-up with beautiful songs, just like our all-time favorite classics such as Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Alladin, Mulan and Snow White but this time they’re making a history by making the first ever Afro-American Disney Princess…Finally!

I missed this kind of animation…

and one other thing that excites me is that Princess Tiana is going to be voiced by Dreamgirl Anika Noni Rose…I can’t wait for the soundtrack!

Stop The Hate!

tears beaded in my eyes while watching this video. It’s so powerful! I wish we could do something like this here in the Phil…

the video says it all.

Hot Disney!

Ok. We all know how much the gaydom loves the Disney Princesses, we know their songs by heart, we love their gowns and costumes and we pray that our lives  goes the same way their lives did, Happily Ever After, but have you ever fantasized about their princes? Well, Me? I haven’t… Till’ I saw these pictures…

Alladin… I’ll definitely rub that lamp!

David Kawena from Lilo and Stitch.

Hercules. of course!

Jim Hawkins form Treasure Planet.

Captain John Smith from Pocahontas.

Kocoum…again from Pocahontas.

Phoebus of  The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Everyone’s favorite…Prince Eric of The Little Mermaid.

Prince Phillip of Sleeping Beauty.

Captain Li Shang from Mulan.

Tarzan. King of the Jungle…

and for those who are into the geeky type of guys..Milo James Thatch from Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

Surprised right? I mean who would have thought that these princes can be “pornified”! Sexy Disney!

My First Pride

I have the tendecy to get stuck in the past, may it be good or bad, I always catch myself reminiscing some scenes in the past, some of the memories that makes me sad are the good times, I don’t know…maybe because I know deep down that I’ll never be that happy again, that the people who used to be important in my life then doesn’t exist in my life now and maybe because those were the times that heartbreaks hasn’t ruined my spirit yet…

One of the best time of my life is my first Pride March (2002), I was in my second year in college, one of the best if not the best year in my college life. I still remember the exhiliration I felt while riding the float, I wasn’t dressed to parade though the fact that I was on a float carrying a slogan was enough to liberate my sexuality,I understood what I was fighting for. It was an awakening.

Well, someone from Facebook uploaded photos of that Pride March (2002) and I can’t thank him enough… I look like hell in the pictures but who cares…I miss those days!

the theme of our float is “Gays in the Academe”, so we were wearing uniforms of all sort of characters in the academe…I’m the one wearing the girl’s scout dress… my organization is The Library Foundation (TLF).

Teach Tolerance!!

girl scout na may tiara at abaniko…bading na bading!

fayatolla me with my favorite brat gay Ianne.

Haaay! happy days!!!!

Fuck You Homophobia!!

A very sweet message to all those homophobic people….

Sing along now!

I’m not Ok

I’m starting yet again in a new company and i’ve never been so scared in my life, hindi ko ma-explain yung takot na nararamdaman ko, hindi ko alam kung natatakot ba ako dahil magsisimula na naman ako o natatakot ako dahil baka matulad lang ito sa mga nauna kong attempt to start over again.

Kagabi, alas-tres na ng umaga pero hindi pa rin ako makatulog, bumalik ulit yung pain, I’ll probably never get over it and probably wala rin makakaintindi sa nararamdam ko. Basta, ang alam ko, maayos ako dati bago mangyari ang lahat ng ito, may pangarap ako, may goal pero pagkatapos kong malaman lahat ng dapat kong malaman, parang nawala lahat sa akin.

It’s been seven months pero eto pa rin ako, pilit na nagpapaka-ok. Hindi madali kalimutan ang lahat ng mga nangyari, hindi naman ako robot, hindi naman ako manhid. Masakit na malaman na yung minahal mo ng anim na taon e ginago ka lang pala the whole time, masakit na malaman ang lahat ng detalye ng panloloko sa’yo at mahirap makalimutan lahat ng iyon.

It hurts the most to feel na na-stuck ka na dun sa emotion na yun, while the people involved have moved on na parang wala lang sa kanila ang lahat ng nangyari, nakalimutan na yung sakit na ginawa nila samantalang ikaw e struggling to heal pa din.

From day one eversince that happened, I tried to be OK, when in fact I’m not and still here I’am struggling to move on. Well, it’s time to stop the pretense. i’m not OK.