A Change Of Heart

( A year old draft I forgot to publish)

As I walk slowly away from his car, our seven year worth relationship flashback before me, It wasn’t that bad, We had fine moments and it makes me wonder hurtingly what went wrong, for him to cheat on me for over a year. It was just a week ago when I found out about his affair with another guy, He cried when I confronted him, he asked for another chance, made new promises and I being the ever gullible optimistic me, gave in and gave him the chance he was tearfully asking for.

Now, As I walk away from a black car with a guy I think I know all my life and as I delete all the messages from his lover confirming that they are still together even after he told me that they already broke up a week ago from my phone, I tried to check if my heart still beats and if my eyes would still well up, they’re not. I was numb as ice, all I could hear was the sound of my breath and all I could see was the lone light of a street lamp a block away from me. I get it. This is how it feels to have a change of heart… Nothing.

If Ever I Get Married…

If ever get married, kung maging legal na ang same sex marriage dito sa Pilipinas o di kaya makapunta ako sa bansang pwede yun or kung ma-inlove ako sa isang gelay…malay mo! Ganitong wedding entrance ang gusto ko, alam mo na magtatagal sila kasi mukhang built on friendship ang love nila…Ang Cheesssyyy!!!

Well, this video really made my day, actually make it a week or a month, I believe in love again…get ready to laugh, cry and then laugh again…Enjoy the video!

Parang ang sarap ma-inlove diba?

A Farewell To The City Of Dreams

It took me forever to realize we weren’t meant to be together, I must admit I was drawn to you like a moth to a fire, each time I try to come nearer the more you burn my wings. I still remember the first time I saw your magnificence, I was intimidated by you. Back then, I knew that you are unattainable, at least for me, but it didn’t stop me from building my dreams on your grounds. I weaved a tale inside my mind, a tale of happy ever after, of pure love and devotion but it was never your promise.

Like any foolish being in love, I did crazy things to be with you, I crossed time and distance just to see you everyday, only to go home every night defeated, still somehow, as a wake from my sleep, thoughts of you waiting with an open door, makes my blood pumps again and relive the fantasies I have with you.

You are the Emerald City to my Elphaba, you are my city of dreams, the city I long to be at, the city I knew where my dreams and fantasies belongs but just like what happened to Elphaba in the Emerald City, all my dreams crashed on you and I know the I’ll never be the same again. Goodbye City, Goodbye Dream.

Sir!

It’s already been a week and i still can’t believe that I’m really a college professor now, just a couple of weeks ago I was training yet again for another call center, trying to somehow convince myself that one thing I do best is being a call center agent. For the last few months I’ve transferring from one call center company to another, everytime I make the transfer I always wish I’ll find what I’ve been looking for in a job in that company but after several weeks or months, I get tired of it and eventually quit. Don’t get me wrong, I used to love taking call and handling customers, I’ve been doing that for almost two years before I finished my degree and I can’t deny the fact that the money I earned from it somehow helped me finish college, it just that, I feel that it was not really what I’m born to do.

Then I got a call from this college asking me if i wanted to do a demo, they were presently hiring that time, with nothing to lose and a chance to escape the call center world, I packed my laptop and headed for the demo. I got hired right there and then but only for a part time position but then again as soon as the classes started they still somehow needed a teacher for other classes, so in just one day I got promoted from a part time instructor to a full time faculty! hehehe!

From a work station that consist of a computer and an avaya, I now have work station loaded with papers, modules and a lot of print outs!

The Brave One

How I wish I was that brave… from what movie is this anyway??

Adam Lambert Is Officially OUT!

What a way to come out!! He’s such an inspiration, he makes coming out so hot…Rolling Stone and all..such class!

Here’s snippet of his interview:

Adam on coming out: “I don’t think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I’m gay…. I’m proud of my sexuality. I embrace it. It’s just another part of me [But] I’m trying to be a singer, not a civil rights leader.”

Adam on realizing he was gay growing up: “I started to realize I wasn’t like every other boy. I realized that we all have our own power, and that whatever I wanted to do, I had to make happen.”

On his run on American Idol:”I was like, ‘I’m going to glue rhinestones on my eyelids, b—-!’ Right after the finale, I almost started talking about [being gay] to the reporters, but I thought, ‘I’m going to wait for Rolling Stone, that will be cooler.’ I didn’t want the Clay Aiken thing and the celebrity-magazine bulls—. I need to be able to explain myself in context… Clay Aiken’s gay, and I’m gay, and we couldn’t be more different. The only thing that is the same about everyone in the gay community is that we’re gay. … Why can’t we talk about a human community?”

On getting attention from fangirls: “I loved it this season when the girls went crazy for me. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all hot.”

On sharing a bedroom with Idol winner Kris Allen: “They put me with the cute guy. Distracting! He’s the one guy I found attractive in the whole group on the show: nice, nonchalant, pretty and totally my type — except that he has a wife. I mean he’s open-minded and liberal, but he’s definitely 100% straight.”

On gaining self-confidence through Idol: “I finally checked into my self-worth for the first time in my life, and the fact that it coincided with Idol is so sweet. I mean, I still have moments where I think, ‘Oh, my skin is terrible, and I’m a little fat — I should really go to the gym more.’ But for the most part, when I look in the mirror now, I finally see somebody who can do something cool.

Disney’s The Princess and The Frog

Walt Disney is back again to it’s old formula, classic animation backed-up with beautiful songs, just like our all-time favorite classics such as Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Alladin, Mulan and Snow White but this time they’re making a history by making the first ever Afro-American Disney Princess…Finally!

I missed this kind of animation…

and one other thing that excites me is that Princess Tiana is going to be voiced by Dreamgirl Anika Noni Rose…I can’t wait for the soundtrack!

Stop The Hate!

tears beaded in my eyes while watching this video. It’s so powerful! I wish we could do something like this here in the Phil…

the video says it all.

Hot Disney!

Ok. We all know how much the gaydom loves the Disney Princesses, we know their songs by heart, we love their gowns and costumes and we pray that our lives  goes the same way their lives did, Happily Ever After, but have you ever fantasized about their princes? Well, Me? I haven’t… Till’ I saw these pictures…

Alladin… I’ll definitely rub that lamp!

David Kawena from Lilo and Stitch.

Hercules. of course!

Jim Hawkins form Treasure Planet.

Captain John Smith from Pocahontas.

Kocoum…again from Pocahontas.

Phoebus of  The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Everyone’s favorite…Prince Eric of The Little Mermaid.

Prince Phillip of Sleeping Beauty.

Captain Li Shang from Mulan.

Tarzan. King of the Jungle…

and for those who are into the geeky type of guys..Milo James Thatch from Atlantis: The Lost Empire.

Surprised right? I mean who would have thought that these princes can be “pornified”! Sexy Disney!

My First Pride

I have the tendecy to get stuck in the past, may it be good or bad, I always catch myself reminiscing some scenes in the past, some of the memories that makes me sad are the good times, I don’t know…maybe because I know deep down that I’ll never be that happy again, that the people who used to be important in my life then doesn’t exist in my life now and maybe because those were the times that heartbreaks hasn’t ruined my spirit yet…

One of the best time of my life is my first Pride March (2002), I was in my second year in college, one of the best if not the best year in my college life. I still remember the exhiliration I felt while riding the float, I wasn’t dressed to parade though the fact that I was on a float carrying a slogan was enough to liberate my sexuality,I understood what I was fighting for. It was an awakening.

Well, someone from Facebook uploaded photos of that Pride March (2002) and I can’t thank him enough… I look like hell in the pictures but who cares…I miss those days!

the theme of our float is “Gays in the Academe”, so we were wearing uniforms of all sort of characters in the academe…I’m the one wearing the girl’s scout dress… my organization is The Library Foundation (TLF).

Teach Tolerance!!

girl scout na may tiara at abaniko…bading na bading!

fayatolla me with my favorite brat gay Ianne.

Haaay! happy days!!!!